How to handle a confidence? | CALACS de l’Est du BSL

1 . Believing

You don’t have to look for proof of an assault. Avoid comments that express doubt about what she said or about her integrity.

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2 . Listening without judgment

Focus on active listening and avoid leading questions.

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3 . Respecting the victim’s pace, experience and words

Respect the victim’s experience and let her talk to you in her own words and reveal what she can. Do not ask about the assault; the victim is more important than the events.

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4 . Listening without amplifying or minimizing

Not all victims react in the same way, but sexual assault always affects their privacy and psychological integrity. It is therefore important not to minimize, dramatize or compare what they are experiencing.

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5 . Ensure confidentiality

Assure her of your discretion and confidentiality, unless the assaults persist or her safety is compromised.

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6 . Avoid overreacting

Do not express your outrage or anger at the situation in front of her. She may refrain from saying anything more or may feel abnormal for not feeling angry.

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7 . Validate her emotions and feelings

Let her cry, scream, laugh and express her feelings, including anger and shame. Connect with her feelings, not the facts.

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8 . Relieve her guilt: it’s never the victim’s fault

Return the blame onto the aggressor. Any comment can be perceived as an accusation and make the victim feel even more guilty, thus jeopardizing her recovery.

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9 . Ensure the victim’s safety

Check to see if the person is in danger, has suicidal thoughts or needs professional help.

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10 . Offer support, be present, be available

Assure the person of your availability while respecting your personal limits and check if the person has a support system (family, friends).

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11 . Help the person pinpoint her needs and facilitate her autonomy

Letting the person make her own choices will help her regain control of her life. Encourage her, build on her strengths.

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12 . Refer to resources

Encourage the person to seek assistance: referring is helping. Offer "tangible help" if you can: accompany her to get medical help or provide her with information.

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Has your friend, sister, daughter, partner, student or colleague confided in you that they have experienced sexual assault?

We can offer you support as a person close to a victim. At CALACS de l’Est du Bas-Saint-Laurent, we are here to listen to you, guide you and refer you to more appropriate resources if needed. Contact us, it’s confidential and it’s free.

418 725-4220, or toll-free at 1-888-707-9400.

calacsestbsl@gmail.com